Women
by Hammerschlag
Summary: Pseudo-trollfic. Robin loves Olivia and is getting increasingly desperate to confess, but she keeps avoiding him. Will he ever get the chance?


**Memorial Day Fic #1**

 **Well, here we are! Another fic that just popped into my head, a la "A Chess Game Gone Wrong" and "Breaking The FIFTH Wall". I hope you all enjoy it.**

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Robin groaned as for the hundredth time he failed to get Olivia to spare a moment for him. The tactician had been longing for the dancer for quite a while, and she seemed to reciprocate his feelings, but for whatever reason she kept avoiding him.

Naturally, he decided he should ask some of the other women in the camp about what to do. Sully happened to be the first woman he approached.

"What is it, Robin?" the paladin groaned.

"What's with that tone?"

"Don't answer my question with another question!"

"Alright, alright. I need help with Olivia. She keeps avoiding me whenever I try to talk to her; I just don't know what I'm doing wrong here."

"Just stay away from her, you oaf," Sully scoffed and walked off.

"What just happened?" Robin's jaw dropped.

"Err, Robin, Sully's not really in a state where she can be giving good advice at the moment," Lissa said coyly as she emerged from her tent.

"Meaning?"

"You don't want to know," the princess sighed and walked off.

"But… but…" Alas, his objections were pointless.

 _Alright then, who else is there?_ As he finished that thought, Maribelle walked by.

At this point, the tactician changed his approach and decided to talk to the resident love master.

Which turned out to be a horrible mistake.

"Ah, it's about time you took interest in a woman, my dear friend!" Virion grinned, "sit down and let the legendary Virion teach you about romance!"

 _Why did I choose to talk to HIM of all people?!_ Robin screamed internally. To his relief, Tharja appeared.

 _Oh thank God; a distraction!_

"Ah, what better way is there to teach the art of courting than by example? Watch closely," the archer jumped up from the log he was sitting on, ran to the dark mage and began his routine,

"Oh magnificent dame, your–" before he could finish, Tharja cast a hex on him, turning him into a frog, then turned to Robin,

"Ah, is there anything _you'd_ like to tell me? Please, Robin, I'm all ears." Seeing that the smile on her face was sincere, the tactician decided to open up,

"I'm having lady problems. I want to propose to Olivia, but she keeps avoiding me. I don't know if it's out of shyness, embarrassment, hate, or something else entirely. I simply don't understand women!"

"Why would you want her when you could have– err, forget that."

"Uh…"

"Anyway, I know a little hex that can… open her up and expose her heart (and some other organs)."

"NO! NO HEXES! NOT AFTER WHAT YOU JUST DID TO VIRION!"

"You really know how to spoil a girl's fun," Tharja pouted.

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT FUN MEANS TO YOU!" Robin was growing more agitated by the second, though he still had enough sense in him to realize if he didn't calm down, Tharja would cast a hex on _him_.

"I… I think I'm going to talk to Chrom."

That idea did not turn out much better.

"How should I know?" Chrom shrugged his shoulders.

"You married Sumia! Surely you concocted some plan!"

"Not really. We were just talking casually and then I blurted out a confession. Fortunately she reciprocated my feelings; if she didn't, I'm fairly certain she'd've punched me again."

"And called it a slap."

"Exactly."

"Well, I somehow have even less of an idea what to do than I did before speaking to you. You've been real helpful," Robin hung his head and walked off to somewhere he thought he would not be heard.

"You're welcome," Chrom replied sarcastically.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH WOMEN?!" Robin shouted into the sky, not realizing Olivia was standing right behind him.

"Umm… Robin… uh, h-hello."

"GRAH!" the tactician jumped before realizing who had addressed him, "Oh, Olivia! Thank the Gods! I have something I need to tell you!"

"Y-yes?"

"I love you!"

"W-what?"

"I said I love you! Originally I was going to come up with a more convoluted way of saying it, but I've simply run out of patience!"

"I… I love you too."

"You do?"

"Yes…"

"Then why were you avoiding me?"

"I, um, was afraid you didn't reciprocate my feelings. I'm… glad you do."

"You don't sound terribly enthusiastic."

"Well, I wasn't expecting you to be so blunt. I was kind of hoping for something more elaborate and thought-out. Can we try this again another time?"

"What? Why?"

"Just… let's do this again tomorrow… in a more traditional fashion," Olivia said and walked off, leaving Robin to scream into the air. At this point, he felt he was never going to understand women.

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 **Regarding Sully, yes, I went there. Deal with it. #StillSingle**

 **I know the ending seemed a bit rushed, but I kinda ran out of ideas. I may come back and edit it at a later time.**

 **I'm going to release the remaining Memorial Day fics over the next few days to make it less overwhelming for my followers. Don't want to spam their inboxes, hehehe…  
**


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